How to Increase Sexual Pleasure: A Guide to Sensory Sex

By Eleanor Hadley

Sex-life feeling like it’s on auto-pilot lately? Maybe things have started to feel a bit pre-scripted and boring in the bedroom and you’re craving to feel more pleasure.

You’re not alone. For many of us, sex can start to feel a bit bland when we haven’t switched things up for a while. More so when we’re caught up in our heads and not connected to our bodies. One guaranteed way to get out of your head and into your body is by using your senses to enhance your sexual experience.

As a Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach, this is where I always begin with my clients when they come to me wanting to explore their sexuality or reconnect with their partner. We don’t start by talking technique, cracking out the Kama Sutra or googling the nearest sex shop — but instead, everything stems from our connection to the senses. Because more pleasure is rarely about doing more, it’s about noticing more. The more that you can tune in to the subtleties of sensation throughout your body, the deeper and more full-bodied your pleasure becomes. This is what I call Sensory Sex — mindfully using your sense of sight, sound, smell, taste and touch to heighten sensation throughout your sexual experience.

What does it mean to be more sensual?

To have more sensual sex, you must first be in touch with your own sensuality. I like to think of sensuality as a juicier version of mindfulness. It goes beyond simply noticing the way things in your environment — or sensations in your body — feel, taste, smell, look & sound and instead asks you how you can savour the senses and truly find pleasure from them. It’s about really being in your body instead of rattling around in your mind and getting distracted by your to-do list or your inner monologue. 

Sensuality is the key to mind-blowing sex — but often the words ‘sensual’ and ‘sexual’ get confused for one another. You can have sensual experiences — where you’re connected to the senses without it being sexual at all (hello first sip of a delicious hot coffee) and you can also have sex where you’re on total autopilot with no sensory awareness whatsoever (that ‘are we done yet?’ feeling). 

The sweet spot? That’s where the two collide. Sensual intimacy is where your senses become the catalyst for sex that makes an impression. 

Using the senses to connect with your body is also one of the most direct routes to real female pleasure and sexual confidence. Women's sexual wellness relies heavily on being in the body — not the head. So once you understand your body and know what each sense does for you, you can finally stop guessing at what’s ‘supposed’ to feel good and actually start clocking what does. 

Mindful sex: presence > performance

Before we start exploring with sensory tools though, we need to be able to slow down enough to actually feel what is happening. When you bring attention to your senses, you get pulled out of your head — out of all the mental chatter, the self-consciousness, the running list or errands — and back into your body. 

This is how to be truly present during sex and it’s one of the fastest ways to feel more intimacy in your relationship. 

Using your five senses to spice up your sex-life

Ready to dive in and start exploring sensory sex? Here’s how to incorporate the five senses into your sex-life to take it from ho hom to holy f*ck.

Sight

What are you actually looking at while you’re getting it on? Are you able to focus on your partner, or are your eyes drifting to the pile of laundry in the corner and taking you out of the moment? 

Lighting and clutter can have a huge impact on how relaxed your nervous system feels, so consider your physical environment and how you can make it feel sexier. Dim the lights, put on some candles, tidy up the space so there’s no distractions.

Beyond the room itself, you can consider your sense of sight through what you’re wearing (or not wearing) that might heighten the experience. You could try using mirrors during your dalliance, or explore with meaningful eye-contact to make things ultra intimate.

Sound

The right playlist can work wonders for elevating your sexual experience. Think about what makes you feel sexy and in the moment, without it being too distracting that it’ll take you out of the moment. Think sultry soul, tribal instrumentals or gentle percussion. Or, perhaps you prefer silence and simply tuning in to the sounds of your breath merging with one another is the perfect aphrodisiac for you. 

Allowing yourself to fully express your pleasure through sound is a proven way to enhance sensation. Let yourself moan, gasp and breathe deeply to discover how good it feels to let yourself actually be heard.

Smell

Scent is basically wired directly to memory and arousal, so it can be a powerful way to create a sensory connection. A candle, fresh sheets, the smell of your partner’s skin, their perfume, the scent of the condoms or lube you use — taking the time to tune in to these tiny details can ground you in the moment or send you into another stratosphere. Try to pay attention to the scents that make your body melt into the moment.

Taste

Taste is often criminally under utilised in the bedroom. Feeding each other some decadent chocolate, sharing a glass of vino before things heat up, or simply noticing the taste of their skin under your tongue are all ways to slow down and build anticipation. A fun way to incorporate taste is to use flavoured lube or condoms, because taste drives enthusiasm which drives pleasure. Win, win, win!

Touch

Naturally, touch is the most solid sense we connect to during sex, and where there’s a lot of room for exploration and play. Touch is such a delicious way to connect with your partner and goes far beyond the obvious. Think about all the finer details of touch — texture, pressure, temperature, pace, rhythm. I like to break this down using the elements:

Earth: grounding, firm, deep-tissue pressure, using the thumbs or whole hand

Fire: sharper, scratchy type of touch, using the fingernails as light or deep as you like

Water: fluid, soft and sweeping motions, using the fingertips to glide across the skin

Air: a light, barely-there style of touch, like a gentle relaxing tickle

Getting curious about your preferred style of touch (as well as what your partner likes) is one of the fastest ways to level up your sex-life. Now that you have the vocabulary to describe the type of touch you enjoy, you can communicate to one another what you want and where.

Another fun way to incorporate touch is to experiment with texture and temperature. Try ribbed or dotted condoms to add an extra level of sensation for both of you. Or explore with the dual lubricated condoms for a fun twist on temperature play — warming outside and cooling inside. 

5 sensual sex ideas to try this week

Not sure where to start? Here are five simple ways to explore sensory sex this week, or better yet, combine all of them to create a sensory date night.

1. Create a playlist together: make a fun activity around searching for the sexiest songs that trigger turn on for you both.
2. Map your pleasure: grab a range of items with different textures and take turns indulging in different types of touch. Slide a silky scarf along their spine, tickle them gently with a feather, introduce a spicy new sex toy or find other objects to explore a variety of sensations.
3. Test out some different condoms: A flavoured condom for oral, dual lubricated for extra glide and temperature play, super studded for added sensation. Go a few rounds and rate your faves.
4. Explore temperaturezz play: run some ice along your lover's chest, or grab some body-safe candles and drip wax along their back, try warming up some lube or discover the sensory delight of dual lubricated condoms.
5. Have a blindfolded feast: sensory deprivation is a delicious way to enhance the other senses, so grab an eye mask and some sensual fruit and choccie and feed your partner one delectable bite at a time.
   

Bringing it back to your body

Exploring sensual sex isn’t about simply ticking off a checklist, but instead it’s an evolving journey that you and your partner can go on together. Using your senses is an incredible practice to help you learn how to be present during sex, to come back to your body and your pleasure anytime you notice yourself getting lost in your head. The more curiosity you can bring to your sensory experience, and the more confident you become asking for what you crave, the deeper your pleasure will become.

So the next time you're getting intimate — whether that be solo or with a partner — try slowing down enough to actually notice everything you’re seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and feeling. That's where things get really good.