“I Don’t Feel Like It” : What Low Desire Really Means (and Why You're Not Alone)

So many Australian women end up whispering the same thing to themselves at night. 
They may also whisper it in the afternoon, when their partner makes a move: 
I don’t feel like it. 

Boom! And then, instead of just letting that be, comes the guilt. The “what’s wrong with me?”, the pressure, the thought that love and sex should always come easy.

Here’s the truth: low or fluctuating desire is normal. It happens to pretty much everyone at different points in their lives. Work stress, kids, hormones, meds, sleep (or the lack of it), relationship tensions, even the way we feel about our bodies....

Any of it can flick the switch. You’re not broken. You’re not cold. You’re human. So, don't worry too much about it. 
In Aussie culture, we often joke about having a “healthy sex life” as if it’s some marker of relationship success. But sex isn’t homework. It’s not another KPI on your list.
Desires shift around. Some weeks it’s there. Some weeks it isn’t. And that doesn’t make you a bad partner or a bad woman.

Here’s a reframe that helps:

Desire is not always spontaneous. Sometimes it responds, and you might not feel it until someone touches you, cuddles you, or helps you relax. And that’s ok.
Saying no is just as valid as saying yes. Consent includes you.
You don’t have to perform intimacy the way TV, movies, or even friends say you should.
Your relationship is bigger than sex. Connection shows up in cups of tea made in your own time, late‑night chats & walking the dog together.

If you’re feeling shame around “not being in the mood”, it’s worth asking where that shame comes from. Is it old conditioning? Pressure you put on yourself? Expectation from your partner? If the story you’ve been told makes you realize it isn’t you, you can lift a huge weight off your chest.

Practical steps that help: 

Talk openly with your partner instead of avoiding it. Prioritise rest. Notice what makes you feel good, like a massage, a bath, or a walk. Don’t compare your desire to anyone else’s. Aussie women especially have their lives stretched tight with childcare, careers, money stress, community responsibilities. Sometimes “I don’t feel like it” is just your body being honest.

Most of all, you’re not alone. So many women feel this, even if it’s not what they admit over coffee. Desire isn’t a straight line you’re meant to follow. It’s a rhythm, and you get to own yours.

So take it guilt‑free, one step at a time.

Read our other blogs on tip to improve pleasure and confidence in bed.